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Partricipant Bio: Jen Luce
At the end of August, 2006, I had emergency surgery to remove a grapefruit sized mass attached to my right ovary. This was called a unilateral salpingo oophorectomy. Almost three weeks later, the pathology report came back confirming it was ovarian cancer; specifically an endodermal or yolk sac tumour with a small carcinoid component.
Two days later I started aggressive chemotherapy treatment. I had 20 rounds of Cisplatin & Etoposide administered intravenously - 20 days of being poisoned. Approximately two weeks after my first treatment, I lost most of my hair. I had a really hard time with this. Being bald to me meant I looked sick. I got a wig to keep my head warm through the months of winter and my best friend shaved her head with me to show her support. I will never forget the look on her face!
I hated that 'I' thought I looked sick and no one around me did. I had this invisible illness. I found that through my treatment and even now when I'm feeling so horrible, that I always seem to look fine to everyone around me. I thought I looked like I was dying, because that's how I felt, but I apparently looked "great", or "just fine".
I did not react well to treatment and experienced a number of symptoms that I couldn?t seem to keep under control. Overall, I just didn?t feel human. I was spaced out and couldn?t focus ? maybe this was some sub-conscious way of handling the trauma my body was being put through. I felt as if my body was failing me and had betrayed me. I felt nauseous almost constantly and was plagued with either constipation or diarrhea. I was only full of anti-emetic pills; anytime I tried to drink or eat anything it came out one way or the other.
I had no idea what fatigue was before chemo....the feeling that I had to go to the bathroom, but just that thought was exhausting ? how was I supposed to get up? I remember having showers and the weight of the water felt so heavy. Funny thing, I hadn?t been eating much, but most likely due to the steroids I was on, I gained weight! I was weak in the muscles, had horrible joint stiffness and pain and neuropathy in my hands and feet. I went through the clinical stages of loss in a jumbled sort of way ? denial & isolation (I only wanted my boyfriend around me and just couldn?t accept the fact that I had cancer and that I might not ever have children again. I isolated myself from those around me and only allowed contact via e-mail for quite some time; I took out my anger on those around me ? my mom and boyfriend; bargaining ? I don?t really remember this part, I think I was bargaining more with the relationship I was in to deter my conscious from bargaining for my life; depression ? this was with me the whole way through and only lifted a year ago around the same time I started to accept the fact that I wasn?t going to be who I WAS anymore. That I would create a new and better me...one stronger from the experience.
This brings me to where I am now. Battling again to figure out what is happening with my body, but also taking time to advocate for yound adults with cancer. In November this year, I spoke at the BC Cancer Agency's Cancer Forum and shared my experiences with 150 oncology nurses. I know the fact that I'm young makes me either stand out or be completely invisible. Thankfully, the nurses listened compassionately and I hope to have given them some insight in order to treat their young adult patients with a higher degree of support.
I am also in the process of writing a book about young adults and cancer - every facet of it. I'm happy to say that I've taken this experience as being something required for my life. Something to share with and support others.
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